Yes... this letter is incredibly late this year. About 3 weeks ago I finally got around to writing my yearly blog and after I published it, I realized it had only saved about 1/8 of what I had actually written. Annoyed is an understatement... but it happened... so like everything else in life, you move on.
My little house is quiet. The kids were sound asleep by 7:45 pm and Paul drifted off over an hour ago. Now it’s 11:40 pm and, not surprisingly, I’m wide awake with a lot on my mind. We have approximately 10 days left of 2018 so I guess there is no time like the present to write my letter of thankfulness.
Tonight, Paul tagged me in a Facebook post. It was a GIF of Ross (from Friends) doing his "flip off" but it was a flip off to 2018. I found it quite funny. It’s very much how I feel. I’m 100% ready for 2018 to be over and 2019 to begin. I don’t know what the new year will hold. I know it will come with it’s fair share of trials and frustrations and flat out piss offs... but it will be a fresh year with renewed goals and a mental reset.
I don’t mean for this post to imply that my life is anything other than wonderful and blessed... but between all of the blessings and wonderful moments and memories, 2018 has been really hard. We had an incredibly busy year. We continued to adjust to life as a family of 4. Our little dream home was finally completed in mid July and we were able to quickly get moved in and settled. It was a funny move bc we somehow lost every nut and bolt needed to assemble ALL of our furniture. After a dozen trips to Lowe’s and Home Depot, we got it figured out and our home came together beautifully. Soon after moving in we transitioned Afton into her twin size bed. That’s right, she was 3 1/2 and still insisting on sleeping in her crib lol. But Paul refused to move it. Paul left for NYC for the 9/11 memorial ride and I decided that was the PERFECT time to potty train. I’m an IDIOT. It was a total trial of faith and patience. By the time Paul got home, my patience was shot and I was a little annoyed with God. Afton had punched me in the face and at that moment I knew I needed to make amends with God bc he was the only one who was going to get me through that trial. Well... it’s nearly 6 months later and I can say she is FINALLY 95% potty trained. Afton has had digestive issues since day 1 and after a lot of trial and error, we have miralax dose correct and life is amazing for all of us. Our baby boy has gone from a baby to a little boy in the past 6 months. Barely walking to now climbing on everything. He is a beast and I love it. He is our silent wonder. We actually start speech therapy with him in 2 weeks but I think his reality is that his sister does all the talking for him. Poor kid. Lol.
Levi will be 19 months old on Christmas Eve and Afton turned 4 on December 4. We had a very fun little party for her to celebrate her golden birthday. How are my babies growing up so quickly? I’ll insert a bunch of pictures at the end of my post. Afton also started ballet 2 weeks ago. It was her birthday present from my mom and she loves it.
Paul and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary on July 9. We were driving home from Missouri that day so it ended up getting lost in the traveling and exhaustion of the day. Regardless of our inability to celebrate, I am so thankful for the 8 years I have spent with such an incredible man. I’m looking forward to our golden anniversary this upcoming July.
I’ve realized that this is my 10th annual thanksgiving day post. I often go back and read my past year posts and it’s amazing how similar this year has been to the year of my first post. This was a year of so much uncertainty. Feeling lost in my own world. I remember feeling so thankful on NYE 2009 when I realized 2009 was over. I feel the same about 2018. My hope for 2019 is that I find more peace in my heart. Inner peace I should say. This past year I have felt so incapable. Mostly as a mother. I want to build and develop a closer relationship with Afton. She so desperately wants alone time with me and I often push it aside bc I crave my alone time when I run to the store or a quick errand. She is growing up so quickly and over the past year, my PPD has kept me from developing the relationship we both want and need.
I love my babies. Words cannot express how thankful I am for both of them. They are my world and I never want to spend a day without being their mommy. I love hearing them laugh. I lost listening to Afton throwing Levi’s door open every morning and yelling "wake up devil baby". Ok so maybe we watch boss baby too often lol. I love watching him interact with her. She thinks he is her pupppy so she will throw a ball and then yell "fetch" as he runs after it. It’s so funny to watch. I cannot wait to see their relationship develop.
I love my husband. This past year has been just as hard on his as it’s been on me... and yet he has stood there by my side and has been my rock. He has been there to tell me it will all be ok. I could not have asked for a better husband. I don’t know anyone who works harder than Paul. And does it with such little complaint. I’m thankful for the way he provides for our family. I once heard a quote. "It’s not the size of the home, it’s the amount of love that’s inside". Our home may be little but we have more love within these walls than most people will ever experience. I never thought I’d know a life this level of peace.
I am thankful for all that 2018 has taught me. For the hard moments that have taught me that I am stronger than I knew and for the joyful moments that remind me that I am SO abundantly blessed!
I hope and pray 2019 bring everyone peace and love and health. Life is what we make it. We can not control what happens around us but we can control how we respond to it.
Love you all,
EQ
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