I turned 31 one week ago. Since my birthday I have been reflecting on several different moments in my life. Some that are filled with sheer joy and others that I'd prefer to put in a box, lock it up and swallow the key. Growing up in the LDS church I have always been taught that I have the right to receive personal revolution. When I was 24 I remember getting a very strong impressing that I was going to be 30 before I would have the opportunity to become a mother. I remember feeling that 30 seemed FOREVER away and I remember wondering why The Lord would have me wait that long to fulfil what I believe is main earthly job. But at the same time I found peace in knowing I had received personal revolution. Paul and I got married when I was 26 and I felt as though things were finally falling into place.... And that's when the infertility really started to bother me. I had a nice home and the best husband and I felt deserving of a baby. But, it was not in the cards for us. Every year that passed without us getting pregnant was another year that I became more impatient and more frustrated with not only The Lord but with myself. I now find myself pregnant at 31 and I see the Lords handy work in my life. I see his divine timing. I am the first to admit that between the ages of 21 and 26 I would not have been a good mother. I would not have been able to meet the emotional and financial needs of a child. I know from the ages of 26 to 30 I was in desperate need of self reflection and self improvement. Now I'm 31 and it's such a wonderful feeling knowing that I am exactly where my Heavenly Father wants me to be so I can be the best mother possible. I felt the need to share this story mainly because we need to ways remember that The Lord is aware of us and our circumstances. I feel I can say that not because I am expecting a baby and that trial is behind me but because I knew even before I got pregnant that there was no guarantee I would ever birth a child. I can say this because I know that there is no guarantee I will ever be able to get pregnant again no matter my desire to give my child a sibling someday. I know that there were things Heavenly Father wanted for Paul and I before we became parents. He knew our strong desire to be in the best financial position possible, he knew we needed to sell our house at the lake so I would have the opportunity to be a stay at home mother... But most of all I think he knew I needed 4 1/2 years of bliss with my best friend before taking on the responsibility of another human. I needed to feel the solidity of my marriage and I feel the solidity of my own mental and emotional state. All of those needs have been met and now I can move forward without hesitation. I know that through our trials and tribulations come great blessings. Blessings that will FAR exceed your desires and expectations. I promise.
Tomorrow I will be 29 weeks 4 days pregnant. I cannot believe it. I went to see my OB today and she assured me tr last 10 weeks fly by. September 28 is my last day of work before Afton makes her grand enterence into this world the end of November. I've started struggling with certain physical aspects of my job so I will be spending the past 7 weeks at home getting ready for my baby girl.
This is my 29 week pregnancy picture. My mom is convinced I'm having twins lol.
It's amazing how quickly the last 29 weeks have gone. I'll be the first to admit that I have not enjoyed pregnancy but I am finally starting to accept what it is doing to my body and my emotions. I will admit that the 2nd trimester is the best bc you feel the best you are going to feel. The 3rd trimester bring unusual pains and sleepless nights and potty break after potty break and sheer exhaustion, lol. But... I have truly enjoyed feeling her move around. It's fainting to feel her flip over and scoot around.
I am still in shock from time to time that we are having a little girl. I pray she has her dad's calmness but a little but of my bold personality!!
I guess that is all that is on my mind today! I know I have promised pictures but we have a little more re arranging to do in the nursery and then I will upload some pictures!
I hope this post finds you all well!
EQ
