Thanksgiving 2020

 To my family and friends,

Oh my goodness...it has been 1 year since my last entry.  It's 1:16 am so it's officially Thanksgiving Day.  12 years have passed since my very first Thanksgiving Day letter.  In November 2009 I never 1) thought I would continue this yearly letter/ update for TWELVE years... and 2) could not have dreamed that I would ever be able to say "This is my hardest year to write about thus far".  But it is, so here we go.  I'm not one to stop a tradition just because life, in general, sucks donkey balls.  

2020 started off with no particular events to write home about.  Afton was thriving in preschool and Levi was in speech therapy twice a week.  Then WHAPOW life as we all knew it changed.  For everyone, Covid brought unforeseen challenges.  For our family, life seemed to completely implode in, what seemed like, a day.  We had hired an independent contractor to build a pantry in our kitchen, interpolate our crawl space and build a 6 foot shadow box privacy fence around out back yard.  We had become quite good friends with our new contractor.  We were happy to work around his schedule... but our work kept getting pushed back and pushed back.  Finally one day he did not show up, which was NOT at ALL surprising to us due to some strange behavior he had that previous week.  He left us with 3 unfinished projects.  If anything positive came from the experience, my dad made a trip to Virginia and helped us with a lot of things.  He was a tremendous blessing.  2 of the 3 projects are still nooooot quite complete, but we are getting there.  Another tremendous blessing that has come this year regarding our house is that the housing market has skyrocketed.  We joke and say if we had not built this house when we did, we would never have been able to build it now.  In July 2018 we closed on our house with a purchase price of $167,000.  We have 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, 1320 sq feet, no basement, no garage... and this past week a house down the street from us (you back out of the driveway onto a major county road) officially became pending for $165,000.  This house is 1020 sq feet, 2 bed, 2 bath, tiny back yard.  New houses in our area that are comparable to ours are being listed and sold for $200,000.  So... I am INCREDIBLY thankful for a housing market that has been working in our favor recently.  Our town is the next "up and coming" which is nice.  

We had a very very very rainy spring, which meant that the kids spent way too much time inside.  Then we hit summer and it was SOOOOOO freaking hot.  And for my friends who live in the midwest... your humidity has nothing on us, lol.  Since the city pool was closed and the YMCA was closed, we managed with a large blow up pool that I stumbled upon at target.  Pools could not be found anywhere this past summer.  With my skin cancer history, I have to be very careful regarding sun exposure.  Thanks to beach umbrellas, we survived the summer without any major sunburns.  

The highlight of this past year would probably be the trip to Myrtle Beach, SC with my little sister.  Emily and I had the most wonderful time.  We were child free and the weather was as beautiful as it could possibly have been.  Forecast said it was supposed to rain but we did not get one single drop of rain the few days we were there.  Our hotel was not in the heart of the tourist district but we had a private beach access in a residential area that was a 5 minute walk from our hotel.  It was perfection.  I'm so thankful for that time I had with my sister.  Our chats and the chance it gave us to grow closer together.  

This year has been incredibly hard on me, for many reasons.   Most of the reasons I will not go into details about, but 2020 has brought me to my knees.  My heart has ached for my fellow police wives.  I have spent many moment crying because of the hate that has plagued us.  I have been a police wife for 10 1/2 years and I have never, until this year, feared for Pauls safety.  Financially, Covid took our monthly income and has slashed it by about 1/2.  The overtime that we depend on each month was suddenly gone.  Panic set in and I was suddenly wondering how we would meet the basic needs of our family.  Schools were closing and I had no clue how I would educate my children properly.  We went into survival mode and learned very quickly that a few things people were purchasing the least of was cereal and peanut butter and jelly.  I knew how to make bread if I needed to and milk was being rationed to 1 gallon per visit in all of our stores.  Every day, when Paul would come home, I would make my rounds to all of our major grocery stores.  I bought baby wipes and diapers every chance I got.  I bought a gallon of milk almost daily because I knew we could freeze it if needed.  We bought boxed meals like Hamburger Helper that can be made with canned chicken or no meet.  For months we lived off of cereal and sandwiches.  I purchased cleaning supplies every single time I saw a bottle on the shelf and I still have 6 spray bottles of my favorite 24 hour germ killer.  Paul finally told me I had to stop buying paper towel and toilet paper, lol.  I will say this.  I JUST used the last container of baby wipes that I purchased in March.  One incredibly important lesson was learned over the summer.  The things we think we NEED, are not at all what we actually need.  I saw where we were over spending and the items we often purchased but ended up throwing away.  I am truly thankful for the lessons that I have learned during this pandemic. Another blessing that was given to us was having Paul home...  A LOT.  I have seen my husband more over the past 8 months than I have in the last 10 years.  And thats not a lie.  I quickly learned that Paul will need to work once he retires.  If not, he will drive me insane.  Life is slowly getting back to normal for the time being... but I can definitely say that I now understand what it means to be self reliant and prepared.  

Recently I have been learning the art of becoming a minimalist.  I cannot tell you how good it feels when you know you own almost nothing.  Our attic is perfectly organized.  I went through all of my clothes and the kids clothes.  Paul went through all of his things.  It took me 5 days of cleaning from sun up to sun down and at the end, I had 24 black construction size trash bags full of things.  I'm tired of things.  They take up room.  They do nothing but get shuffled from place to place.  I want to own things that have a purpose and bring joy into my home.  What an amazing blessing it has been to feel as though our house is lighter.  What a blessing it is to know it takes me 1/2 the time to clean my house, and that includes going through drawers and cabinets.  

I am thankful for my beautiful family.  I have 2 children who are thriving.  Levi's speech is now up to that of a 2 year old.  He is learning new words every single week and he has now started to referring to his dad as Paul, lol.  He is in size 5t clothes and he will be 3 1/2 on christmas eve.  He fits best is BOYS xs, lol.  He has the most beautiful smile and stunning blue eyes.  He is a mommas boy and I absolutely love it.  He is in virtual preschool right now... whatever that means... praying he will be back in a classroom setting by January.  Afton will be 6 in a little over a week.  When I say I cannot believe it... I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.  How will be already be 6????????  She started Kindergarten this year and is absolutely loving it.  She does not like gym but she does like the gym teacher.  Afton is a tiny little thing.  She weighs 47 lbs and Levi weighs 48 lbs.  Afton is in a size girls 6 but if they had 5x it would fit her perfectly.  She has the most beautiful blonde hair and stormy grey eyes.  She loves wearing dresses and adores anything that has glitter on it.  She is so smart and so clever.  This is the first year that she is REALLY excited about Santa too, so thats a lot of fun.  

We celebrated out 10th wedding anniversary in July.  I'm so thankful for my sweet husband.  I'm thankful for his unwavering patience, his constant love, his willingness to stand by my side regardless of the situation.  I'm thankful that we have made it 10 years.  If we were almost any other couple, 2020 might have broken us.  Not for reason that you are probably thinking.  We love each other dearly, are loyal and faithful.  But 2020 has tested our strength as a couple.  I'm thankful for the 2 am blessings that Paul graciously and happily gives me more times than I would like to count.  I'm thankful for the hugs and his non judgmental attitude.  His compassion.  I'm thankful for the, way too many, days that he gets home from work and lets me lock myself away in our room so I can have time without 2 kiddos climbing on me and my son wanting to sit on my face... literally.  

I'm so thankful 2020 is almost over.  I'm counting down the days.  I refuse to have the "next year will be so much better" attitude but I do know that regardless of what comes out way, we will make it through as a family and we will find something to be thankful for from 2021.  

I hope this letter finds you all happy and healthy.  Please be safe as you travel.

EQ

Thanksgiving(ish) Day letter 2019

For the first time in 11 years I cannot open my Thanksgiving Day letter by wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.  Why? Because Thanksgiving was 2 weeks ago and I've been mulling over what I want to say since a week before Thanksgiving. It's 12:03 am and I(as usual) cannot sleep... so I forced myself to head to the living room so I could finally get this letter written.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!  There.... is that an appropriate opener? lol

Like I said above, I started writing these yearly letters 11 years ago.  Why is this letter so late?  I'll just come out and say it.  It's been a hard year.  I won't go into all of the intimate details of why this year has felt like a total suck fest, but I'll give the cliff notes version.  Since January 1 we have been dealing with major water issues in the crawl space of our brand new home.  We moved in 16 months ago and water started coming into our crawl space 3 weeks after we moved in. So, for 16 months this has been a major headache.  And to add insult to injury... our builder has been HORRIBLE in every way, shape and form.  Over the past few months we have tossed back and forth the idea of taking him to court.  We had a real estate attorney look over our contract and we do have grounds to take him to court... but we, to my surprise, don't have a money tree growing in our back yard.  In fact, we don't have any trees.  So... After a lot of thought, prayer, fasting and hours (literally) on the phone with my oldest brother, Adam, we have come to the conclusion that we can do the work ourselves and will take our builder to small claims court once the work is finished and attempt to get some of our money back... key up the eye rolling.  So, that's that for now.

We also began the year having to take our son, Levi, to multiple audiologists and an ENT.  On April 5 he went in for a sedated hearing test and had tubes placed.  He failed 3 hearing tests but passed the sedated hearing test with flying colors and has "perfect" hearing.  You may be wondering why we have questioned his hearing.  He is currently 2 1/2 and is vocalizing 4 words.  He has a LOT of non verbal communication and can sign a few words.  We have a WONDERFUL Speech and Language Pathologist working with him weekly and we have finally ruled out Autism and are most likely looking at a diagnosis of Apraxia.  If you dont know what Apraxia is, its pretty much where your brain and oral muscles dont communicate and therefore it makes it very difficult for some littles to form words.  Levi says: momma, dadda, pop pop, maw maw, uh-oh.  So we have 5 words, not 4, lol.  Some may be gasping at the idea that a 2 1/2 year old has such a limited vocabulary... but 12 months ago he was not even pointing at anything he wanted.  He would not grunt or fuss.  We knew what his needs were and they were all met.  He had zero communication.  NOW he is signing for more and milk.  He will grab my hand and take me to the room where he has a need and he will point at what he wants.  He says uh-uh for no.. so 6 words!!! lol.  He is so smart and has the motor skills of a child twice his age.  His SLP is amazed by his non verbal skills and his desire to learn.  It's been painfully slow and we have to be incredibly patient.  Some day we will have a talker. Levi's situation has been incredibly heavy on my heart and, as a mom, I have had a terrible time feeling as though I have somehow failed him.

On March 23 I had a Radical Hysterectomy.  February 2018 I had an ablation so we knew at that time that we were 100% done having children.  But having a hysterectomy was a completely different feeling.  I was so excited going into surgery.  I was excited to know that the horrible problems I had been having pre surgery would finally be over.  I had to spend 1 night in the hospital post surgery and Paul had to be at home with the kids.  I was in so much pain and on top of it all, it hit me like a ton of bricks that we were DEFINITELY done having kids.  My doctor told me that I may have that feeling, even though I had already had an ablation, because I was so young and this was such a major surgery.  I came home on March 24 and on March 25 my sister called me to tell me that a dear friend of ours had committed suicide.  Denny was not just a childhood friend.  We adored Denny.  Denny was there for me during my parents divorce and he was such a rock in my life.  He was the first person to propose to me.  I still have the ring. He gave me a simple gold band and said that if we were 35 and not married, we would marry each other and he would constantly remind me that I deserved the best man God could give me.  He died when we were 35.  Since March 25 I have been angry with Denny, sympathetic to what he was dealing with mentally.  But mostly I was jealous that he did something I had thought about for such a long time.  I was stunned that Denny was gone.  Ive never cried so hard or so much in my life.  Denny left behind 2 little girls and an amazing wife.  Denny saved my life that day.  I looked at my 2 little ones and my husband and I felt so angry with myself that I had ever considered suicide the answer to my sadness.  Denny is not here.  But because of Denny and for Denny, I choose to be here for my husband and my 2 kids.

You may be thinking "this is NOT a Thanksgiving Day letter".  It's not starting off that way. But because of the horrible trials I have faced over this past year, I have been forced to ponder and reflect on my life, my blessings.  The hidden tender mercies.  The things that other people would kill to have in their lives... and I have them.

I have 2 wonderful kids.  My son has perfect hearing.  My daughter is in a wonderful preschool and is thriving.  She is learning and growing and is definitely not a toddler any longer.  I've been able to watch her grow for 5 amazing years.  My son is learning something new each week.  They may seem tiny to most people... but to me, they bring tears to my eyes because at one point, we had no idea if his future held regard ANY verbal communication.

Levi has the very best SLP.  She is kind and patient. She has been there for me as much as she has been there for Levi.  She cheers me on and gives me confidence that I can go the distance, whatever comes of his testing when he turns 3 for possible Apraxia.

I am thankful for my WONDERFUL doctors that I have had for the past several years.  My OB-GYN who sits down and listens at every appointment.  The doctor who knew how to best help me. My GP who has been such a blessing over the past year 18 months.  Willing to run labs to check hormones, we've been through the ringer together trying different medications and finding the right ones that have helped me become the best version of myself.  Doctors who want to sit and talk through life and make sure that I am where I need to be before I leave their offices.  PS. and an amazing dentist who didn't laugh at me when he realized my fear of dentists IS as severe as I tried telling him it was before my 1st visit and didn't sound judgmental when he asked his dental assistant to "increase the nitrous" haha.

I have a beautiful home that keeps us warm in the winter and cool in the summer.  It's the cutest 1300 sq feet I've ever seen.  I was able to design my own house. AND because of my brothers 20 something years of experience in the construction industry, we know, with confidence, that we can solve the problems that we have on our own.  I do not have the anxiety anymore that the quotes gave me when we had other contractors come out to look at what it would cost to do the repairs if we hired outside help.  Paul has wonderful friends that are willing to lend us equipment and man power.

I have learned this year that I have to be thankful every single day that I am here with my family.  11 years ago my life was very different.  Unfortunately, the PTSD, anxiety and postpartum depression are the consequence of domestic violence that I experienced.... but regardless.... I am still here.  11 years ago I never imagined I would have the life I have today.  I love the life I have today and I refuse to give it up for anything.

I have the BEST husband.  I had a friend recently tell me that I married a "white buffalo".  There is not better compliment than that.  Paul has the patience of a saint.  He loves me unconditionally. He loved me when I was at my thinnest and he loves me even though I am still carrying baby weight 2 1/2 years after having a baby.  He works so hard so I can be home with our kids and I know he often wonders if he is working hard enough.  He is a wonderful father and my best friend.  In 9 1/2 years of marriage he has never raised his voice when speaking to me.   I wish I could say the same on my side.  I never imagined I'd marry someone who loves me so effortlessly and completely.  I know he will never read this... but if he does... Paul, you are the most amazing man and I am so thankful to have you by my side.

Tonight we listened to the Christmas Devotional that our church broadcasts every year.  I loved every word that was spoken.  I sat on our couch and looked at our sweet Christmas tree and 4 hanging stockings and I had such a beautiful feeling come over me.  Regardless of our trials.  Regardless of how much money we will ever have to put into our home.  Regardless of how much money we get to put into savings this upcoming tax return, regardless of whether or not we get to fence our back yard in the spring, regardless of whether Paul and I get to take our 10 year anniversary trip that we have been excited about... but realize it's probably going to have to be put off a few years because of our house, regardless of all of those things, I am SEALED to my family.  I don't need a big house.  I don't need granite counter tops.  I don't need a house that has acres for my kids to run and play on.  I NEED to be sealed to my family.  I need to know that regardless of what life throws at me, my family is MINE and in the next life, I will know, without doubt, we will be together.  I have found myself being very jealous of certain people around me.  People who seem to be riding the easy train through life.  Who know their actions are not what they should be and yet they are being blessed with things I will never in my life have.  But what I do have is an eternal family.  I cant take my cars or my house with me when I die.  What I will have is my family.

I'm thankful that my bother John has been kept safe during his deployment.  I'm thankful that his time away has been going by so quickly. I know he misses home and his little boy so much.  I'm thankful that John was willing to serve our country and help us keep the freedoms we have.

I'm thankful for wonderful girlfriends.  I wish they didn't live so far away.  Girlfriends that I have known for years and years.  One that I've had since high school, one since I lived in Idaho 10 years ago, one that divorced an old friend of mine and through that, her and I have been able to connect and a beautiful friendship has come from similar trials that we have both been through.  Women who inspire me, uplift me, accept me for who I am and who love me unconditionally.  You know who you are.  Thank you for the role you each play in my life.

2020 is just around the corner. Like everyone else, or most at least, I have a list of things I want to change in my life.  Letting go is number 1.  Letting go of the jealousy I feel.  Letting go of caring whether or not someone likes or me wants to be part of my life.  Those who want to be in my life WILL be in my life.  I want to work on improving my eating habits.  Stop being an emotional eater and go back to the days when I'd fuel my body so I could live my best life.  I want to grow my business and give back to our community by donating more pillowcases to little ones with cancer.  I want to improve my friendships with the people in my life who mean so much to me but often become part of my "i'll message them tomorrow" cycle.

I'm thankful for SO many things this year.  The Lord has blessed me in ways I was not aware of and it has taken me a few extra weeks to realize all that I have.

My mom and niece will be here TOMORROW (it's officially 1:32 am on monday morning) and they get to spend an entire week with us.  My dad arrives the day after Christmas and will be here for a long weekend.  I'm thankful that I get to spend most of December with family!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas!  Please be safe as you travel.  Slow down and remember that there area a lot of people on the roads and most of them are in a hurry for no good reason.

Happiest of Holidays everyone!!!!

EQ

I was able to travel to Utah ALONE so I could go through the Bountiful Temple with my sister. It was such a special moment and I'm so thankful I could be there!

getting the OK to proceed with my hysterectomy.  PS, this pamphlet did NOT prepare me for surgery or recovery...

My uterus socks.  I recently had someone ask if me I had ginger bread men on my socks.  I said "no, they are my uterus' socks" The look on the womans face was priceless!

Me and Denny in high school

all love!

Dad's make the best pony's! At least my kiddos think so

John sitting on a sandy beach... probably wishing he was looking at the ocean.  He is currently in Kuwait.  

Levi is supporting Paul's Brazilian Jujitsu school. 2 1/2 more years until we can enroll Levi in BJJ

Afton was SO excited for halloween this year

my sweet Elsa!

Me, Paul and Olaf

FINALLY had family pictures taken this year

my sweet familt

We took Afton to her first movie.  She loved Frozen 2! So did we, lol

this picture is how levi is most of the time.  A VERY happy and content little guy

Afton at her Thanksgiving Day Thankful concert.  Paul and I bet each other $10 that she would not last 5 seconds on stage and we BOTH lost! She proved us wrong and stayed up there the ENTIRE time. Shocked is not the right word for how we felt, lol

If there was a meme to describe how I felt about 2019... THIS IS IT!  You can judge me for posting it.  I judge myself a little... but I dont care,lol. It's the truth!

getting into the holiday spirit

My baby girl turned FIVE on December 4!!!!!

Throw pillow I made for my couch

My other throw pillow I made. Im excited to make these after the start of the new year and sell them as sets.  

Newest addition to my business.  I love how it turned out and I love that it's mine!

After is all ready for her Christmas concert

Paul's parents were able to make the drive over Afton Mountain to attend Afton's Christmas concert for her preschool !

My sweet girl. We made another $10 wager... and once again... we both lost! SHE DID AN AMAZING JOB!

My view last night as I was pondering life and realizing how many things I have to be thankful for this year!

Man... I’m really behind!!!

Oh my holy cow!  It’s been 10(ish) months since my last post. SO much has happened over the past 10 months. Let’s see.... my last post was thanksgiving 2018, lol. 

December:  kids had a wonderful month. My dad visited from Missouri We went to Monticello and showed him around UVA campus (University of Missouri’s campus is a "replica" of UVA’s campus. It’s a cool story). The kids enjoyed having Paw paw Kent here for a few days. We did a couple mini home improvements and dad took me on a shopping spree to Lowe’s to get me everything I need to fix.... anything :). 

Christmas was spectacular. Santa brings the kids 4 gifts (want, need, wear, read). The 3 wise me bring them a church related gift that they open at bedtime on Christmas Eve. We went to dinner and drove around to see lights in Charlottesville. We had a wonderful time as a family. 

January- February was a blur. Paul worked a lot and we didn’t have a lot going on at the time. Afton was in Dance for those months until she came home one evening and said she was never going back. So... that was that. She is very firm in her opinions and in some situations it’s best to let her make the final decision.  Throughout those months we started Levi in speech. He is incredibly delayed and we started working with early intervention in December when he was 18 months old. We also had 3 audiology appointments bc we were unsure as to what he could actually hear. 

March: I have a radical hysterectomy on March 23. When you have 2 kids, nothing is easy. I decided I would be fine staying at the hospital alone... I was WRONG. I survived by I suffered through every minute of it. The hysterectomy was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. On a scale of 1-10 and having a baby is usually your 10... this was a 100. I was in so much pain that I was sick to my stomach. Thankfully I was able to call my mom, have a good cry and she talked me through the hard night I spent at the hospital. I came home on the 24th and the drive home was brutal. 45 minutes and then we had to stop and get my pain meds filled. I have a rough time with pain meds. I cannot take Percocet bc it makes me entire body itch like crazy so I have to take Benadryl to counteract the itching. In the hospital they gave me dilaudid and oh my gosh all I did was scratch and scratch. I was so out of it, I woke up at one point and called the nurse to tell me my IV was talking to me. So... I came home with Tylenol 3 and it did NOTHING for the pain. I walked into the house and straight to bed and spent most of the first 3 days in bed. Paul took 11 days off of work and even when he went back I was technically not allowed to lift my son. Yeah right. Overall, surgery went well. I was able to keep my ovaries but she did take my tubes and my cervix. For 11 days my sweet husband did everything around the house. My reproductive journey is complete and it is a strange feeling. In the past 5 years I’ve been through 7 months of clomid, 9 months of pregnancy, 2 1/2 years raising Afton, 3 more months of clomid, 1 miscarriage, 2 months of clomid, 9 months of being pregnant with Levi, uterine ablation, hysterectomy and now i have a 4 year old and 2 year old. Talk about a whirlwind. My OBGYN said I’m her first patient that she has seen from start to finish. Infertility to babies and then hysterectomy. She has been a miracle doctor for us. 

April:  we celebrated Paul’s 35th birthday on April 3 and on April 4, Levi went into the hospital for a sedated hearing test and tubes. He passed his hearing test 100% and there was no fluid in his ears. What a relief. What a chunk of change to be told he was ok 😂😂😂. 

May: I spent 2 weeks in Missouri with Afton and Levi. We went by way of Dayon, Ohio to see my cousin Sarah and her 2 kiddos. We had a wonderful time back home. My mom drove back to Virginia with my and stayed a few extra days to visit the kids a little more. It was so nice being able to spend quality time with my step dad Tom. He is so kind and I’m thankful for the joy he brings into my moms life. 

June:  Paul participated in the annual Jefferson Area Motor Skills Competition. He has brought home 1st place 3 out of the last 4 years 💙💙💙. It’s such a fun competition. Not just bc I enjoy watching paul ride, but because we have such a great time with the riders who come from all the other departments along the east coast. I was incredibly proud of Paul. He truly is talented on a motorcycle. 

July:  It was fairly quiet. We spent the 4th with the kids. Drove into Charlottesville for fireworks and had a wonderful time with them AND they had their first funnel cake 💙. We took the kids on a weekend getaway with the kids to NYC!!! Oh my goodness we had the most wonderful time. We were there for 2 nights, 3 days and it was perfection!  We walked 9 miles our first day there. I don’t care how compact your stroller is... strollers of ANY size do not mix with the subway system. We walked through the 9/11 memorial museum. I’ve been before with my mom but this time was different. Walking through the memorial with Paul really tugged on my heart. I kept looking around at the pictures and keepsakes and my heart kept racing when I would think of the police families who were destroyed that day. The thin blue line brotherhood runs deep and I felt as though Paul wanted to see the 9/11 memorial ride motorcycle he signed and hit the road. We got back on the subway to head to upper Manhattan and we struck up a conversation with a man who was sitting with a beer in his hand (at 10:00 am). Come to find out he was retired NYPD and he retired the first day he possibly could. We talked about us just leaving Ground Zero. He said he has never been bc he cannot face the tragedy again. He became an alcoholic after 9/11 and 18 years later he was openly admitting he had survivors remorse. It was heartbreaking. We spent the next day and1/2 taking the kids to the M&M store, FAO Shwartz and pointing out all of the really cool things NYC has to offer. I think next summer we will go back in 2 summers when Levi is 4 and Afton is 6 1/2. We stayed in Jersey City and we had the most beautiful view of Manhattan. A trip to remember, that’s for sure!!! 

August: not a lot went on in August. We prepped for football season to start. It was SO incredibly hot in August, everyone stayed inside and just prayed the days would pass quickly. I started a hobby the beginning of August. My brother Adam has been barking at me for months and months about me needing a hobby. So while I was at Joann’s one day, I picked up a ton of fabric and decided to make pillowcases for my nieces and nephews. It’s now the beginnings of a business. Sweet Dreams by Liz is the IG page and FB page name. It’s been fun having a creative outlet. This week I’m finishing up on a big order that I’m taking to Utah with me at the end of the month. 

September:  phew.... almost caught up!!!  It’s been a busy month. College and high school football is in full swing and that means Paul is not home much. We have 3 home UVA games this month. The 1 weekend we have off together, I’m going to Utah, lol. My little sister is going through the Bountiful, UT temple on September 28 and I am FINALLY getting a mom trip. NO KIDS!!!!!!! Just me. I leave the 26th and come home October 1. 4 nights and I’m beyond excited. 

Afton started preschool this month. She is attending First Baptist preschool and she is loving it. Her teacher is so nice and she has 3 other little friends from church in the other classes. Levi is home with me every morning while Aftons at school. I’m loving my time with him. We work on speech and play together. He isn’t quite sure what to do with himself without his commander and chief here with him, lol. This experience is good for all of us. Cannot believe she will begin full day kindergarten next fall!!!!!! 

Well, that’s all for now. Later this week I will get pictures organized and posted!  

💙 Me

Thanksgiving Day letter 2018

Yes... this letter is incredibly late this year. About 3 weeks ago I finally got around to writing my yearly blog and after I published it, I realized it had only saved about 1/8 of what I had actually written. Annoyed is an understatement... but it happened... so like everything else in life, you move on. 

My little house is quiet. The kids were sound asleep by 7:45 pm and Paul drifted off over an hour ago.  Now it’s 11:40 pm and, not surprisingly, I’m wide awake with a lot on my mind. We have approximately 10 days left of 2018 so I guess there is no time like the present to write my letter of thankfulness. 

Tonight, Paul tagged me in a Facebook post. It was a GIF of Ross (from Friends) doing his "flip off" but it was a flip off to 2018. I found it quite funny. It’s very much how I feel. I’m 100% ready for 2018 to be over and 2019 to begin. I don’t know what the new year will hold. I know it will come with it’s fair share of trials and frustrations and flat out piss offs... but it will be a fresh year with renewed goals and a mental reset. 

I don’t mean for this post to imply that my life is anything other than wonderful and blessed... but between all of the blessings and wonderful moments and memories, 2018 has been really hard.  We had an incredibly busy year. We continued to adjust to life as a family of 4. Our little dream home was finally completed in mid July and we were able to quickly get moved in and settled. It was a funny move bc we somehow lost every nut and bolt needed to assemble ALL of our furniture. After a dozen trips to Lowe’s and Home Depot, we got it figured out and our home came together beautifully. Soon after moving in we transitioned Afton into her twin size bed. That’s right, she was 3 1/2 and still insisting on sleeping in her crib lol. But Paul refused to move it. Paul left for NYC for the 9/11 memorial ride and I decided that was the PERFECT time to potty train. I’m an IDIOT. It was a total trial of faith and patience. By the time Paul got home, my patience was shot and I was a little annoyed with God. Afton had punched me in the face and at that moment I knew I needed to make amends with God bc he was the only one who was going to get me through that trial. Well... it’s nearly 6 months later and I can say she is FINALLY 95% potty trained. Afton has had digestive issues since day 1 and after a lot of trial and error, we have miralax dose correct and life is amazing for all of us. Our baby boy has gone from a baby to a little boy in the past 6 months. Barely walking to now climbing on everything. He is a beast and I love it. He is our silent wonder. We actually start speech therapy with him in 2 weeks but I think his reality is that his sister does all the talking for him. Poor kid. Lol. 

Levi will be 19 months old on Christmas Eve and Afton turned 4 on December 4. We had a very fun little party for her to celebrate her golden birthday. How are my babies growing up so quickly?  I’ll insert a bunch of pictures at the end of my post. Afton also started ballet 2 weeks ago. It was her birthday present from my mom and she loves it. 

Paul and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary on July 9. We were driving home from Missouri that day so it ended up getting lost in the traveling and exhaustion of the day. Regardless of our inability to celebrate, I am so thankful for the 8 years I have spent with such an incredible man. I’m looking forward to our golden anniversary this upcoming July. 

I’ve realized that this is my 10th annual thanksgiving day post. I often go back and read my past year posts and it’s amazing how similar this year has been to the year of my first post. This was a year of so much uncertainty. Feeling lost in my own world. I remember feeling so thankful on NYE 2009 when I realized 2009 was over. I feel the same about 2018. My hope for 2019 is that I find more peace in my heart. Inner peace I should say. This past year I have felt so incapable. Mostly as a mother. I want to build and develop a closer relationship with Afton. She so desperately wants alone time with me and I often push it aside bc I crave my alone time when I run to the store or a quick errand. She is growing up so quickly and over the past year, my PPD has kept me from developing the relationship we both want and need. 

I love my babies. Words cannot express how thankful I am for both of them. They are my world and I never want to spend a day without being their mommy. I love hearing them laugh. I lost listening to Afton throwing Levi’s door open every morning and yelling "wake up devil baby". Ok so maybe we watch boss baby too often lol. I love watching him interact with her. She thinks he is her pupppy so she will throw a ball and then yell "fetch" as he runs after it. It’s so funny to watch. I cannot wait to see their relationship develop. 

I love my husband. This past year has been just as hard on his as it’s been on me... and yet he has stood there by my side and has been my rock. He has been there to tell me it will all be ok. I could not have asked for a better husband. I don’t know anyone who works harder than Paul. And does it with such little complaint. I’m thankful for the way he provides for our family. I once heard a quote. "It’s not the size of the home, it’s the amount of love that’s inside". Our home may be little but we have more love within these walls than most people will ever experience. I never thought I’d know a life this level of peace. 

I am thankful for all that 2018 has taught me. For the hard moments that have taught me that I am stronger than I knew and for the joyful moments that remind me that I am SO abundantly blessed!  

I hope and pray 2019 bring everyone peace and love and health. Life is what we make it. We can not control what happens around us but we can control how we respond to it. 

Love you all, 

EQ 

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